By Carolyn Newman

Fluorescent lights buzzed and feet shuffled down the aisles as I neared the checkout counter. The cashier uttered his routine How did you find everything? as he slid my coconut water across the scanner. In this exceptionally ordinary moment, I pondered the opportunity to make both our lives a touch more interesting. As he looked up, boredom masked behind a customer-service smile, I asked, “What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen happen at this store?” An eye-widened expression turned to a grin as he launched into a story from weeks before. We giddily continued the conversation before parting ways. As I stepped out of the store, a grin spread across my face. A mundane moment transformed into a connection between two strangers. 

In today’s technologically advanced world, information surrounds us like oxygen; we constantly consume it. When a thumb movement answers any question, why bother asking questions to one another? It’s pointless. Right? 

Wrong. Curiosity holds a greater function than inspiring a google search; it operates as one of the most powerful human tools to foster connection, deepen relationships, and enrich our lives. 

In 2023 the U.S surgeon general released an advisory on America’s epidemic of loneliness and isolation, noting that connection improves physical health, enhances mental well-being, and even lowers death rates. Yet from 2003 to 2020, social connection drastically declined while social isolation increased by 24 hours per month. Loneliness infects our nation—but our human nature can cure us. Here, interpersonal curiosity takes the spotlight.

Curiosity—the intrinsic desire to understand others, ourselves, and the world around us—functions as an essential part of human development. It drives exploration and learning. Less known is its potential to enhance social connections through interpersonal curiosity: the desire to know and ask about people. Studies show interpersonal curiosity enhances relationships by facilitating bonding between individuals. When someone asks us a question, we feel seen and cared for. Especially noteworthy, interpersonal curiosity promotes positive social interaction between strangers. Research on stranger interactions in major cities found positive stranger interactions increased well-being by making people feel seen, worthy and acknowledged. Kind interactions with strangers reminded participants that goodness existed around them. Expressing interpersonal curiosity allows us to enhance our connection to those in our community and our well-being. 

To embrace interpersonal curiosity, we must allow a mindset shift. Mentally separating ourselves from others sparks fear and inhibits interaction. The less we relate to someone, the less willing we are to reach out. Nevertheless, we share more similarities than we realize; we all feel fear and uncertainty. Asking questions helps dissolve the invisible wall dividing us. 

So what inhibits interpersonal curiosity expression? For one, small talk stinks. It feels awkward and sometimes fake. But redirecting a dull exchange or adding playfulness can turn a boring conversation interesting and rewarding. Anxiety also quiets interpersonal curiosity. A 2021 study on COVID-19 distancing found higher levels of anxiety discouraged social connection and suppressed interpersonal curiosity. While anxiety and fear—often created by separating ourselves physically or emotionally from others—limit our expression of interpersonal curiosity, realizing the universality of these emotions illuminates our similarities and diminishes fear. 

Don’t shy away from the unconventional. Permit extraordinary questions. We’ve all heard “What’s your major?” But what about “Do you believe in reincarnation?” or “What object in nature do you most resonate with?” Intentional engagement with strangers becomes more natural with practice. Interpersonal curiosity also revitalizes existing relationships. Ask your mom about her favorite childhood pastime; I guarantee a smile. Questions communicate caring. 

Some fear asking questions will seem invasive or annoying, but while time and place matters (don’t ask about someone’s hidden talent during an exam), curiosity’s overwhelmingly positive impact on connection far outweighs the small chance of irritation. 

Interpersonal curiosity encourages an open mind; it replaces judgement with empathy. If we embrace it, we may discover fascination and connection with our communities and loved ones. The solution to social isolation stands a question away. Start with the convenience-store cashier.